I Wonder

God hardwired me to be a “wonderer.” Not a day goes by that I do not muse at some idea, action, behavior…”I wonder why ______.”

This may account for my ongoing wrestling match with God. I think myself in circles, my head spinning. If I could just clear my mind, rest quietly, and think…then what?

Today God granted an epiphany. NO wait, He let me hear a verse for the first time. I’d read it many times…had even memorized it at some point…but today was the day it SPOKE.  “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jerimiah 17:9.

Hmmm. I have spent my entire life looking within, thinking deep thoughts, seeking answers from myself and others. My entire life. Oi. Unless I’m seeking answers from that still, small voice within my soul, I’m seeking in vain. Tain’t nothing within my heart but confusion and deceit. I must say, I’m thrilled with the prospect of directing my questions TO God and then relaxing. I don’t have to figure out the mysteries of life. Ha. Phil will be coming home to a new woman…a much more peaceful woman.

I wonder why God waited to long to let me in on this?


2 thoughts on “I Wonder

  1. WOW!! Thank you, friend.

    I was just thinking about this (ha! the irony) and I remembered that the people pleasing study tried to teach me that I can not trust my “instincts” or my “heart”. I’ve been battling some issues and dwelling on them (another problem). I’ve been convinced my view is right, but then this idea came back up.

    sigh. My heart is deceitful and my instincts are tainted.

    Hugs to you!

  2. Ahhh…being still, listening, that is the challenge, or at least I used to think that was my core challenge. Nope, in my pursuit of “being whole”God brought me to the place of seeing He had to be head of my household; directing my questions to Him, relinquishing full control of the junk that only clutters the mind and is rooted in that deceitful heart I have. Man God is good! He has so richly blessed me with an incredible circle of believers He uses to affirm, encourage and redirect !

    Thank you sister!

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