I Can’t Not Now

Once, not so long ago, I heard a woman speak on her passion for AIDS orphans. She said, “One day God opened my eyes. I saw images of AIDS orphans in a magazine, and I could not look away. I could not not do anything.” I wondered at this. I felt no compulsion to do anything to help AIDS orphans…the problem was too big…too far away…too easy to ignore. I was glad she felt called to help. I mean someone should, right? Just not me. And I wondered…will something like that ever happen to me? Will I ever develop “a heart” for anything? A passion for a cause (other than myself…which until recently, has been my main cause)?

And then it happened. One day, I did not see the abuse and neglect of the children surrounding me…and then I did. And now, I can’t not see it. I can’t not know that the church…that I…have failed these children. Six thousand kids in Bexar County…six thousand. All these kids need is someone to say, “Yes. Yes, I will rearrange my life. Yes, I will re-prioritize my budget. Yes, I will accept the inconvenience…the struggle…the discomfort of loving someone who is hard to love…who may never love me back.” And now, I can’t not say yes.


3 thoughts on “I Can’t Not Now

  1. Jan I am so honored to be your friend. I am there also–once I got involved with Open Table, I cannot unsee or unfeel all that I have these past two years. How blindly I went about my life before.
    I am proud you are standing in the gap for these children. I have gotten a small taste of all they go through since working with the kids that are aging out of the system with no where to go and Open Table.
    May God Bless you and your family for living and loving sacrificially!

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