This fostering journey, though still very new to us, has been full of sweet surprises. I think it is fair to say that the number one fear of those who foster, or who want to foster, is the uncertainty…in two years…just where will this child be? With me (please, please, please Jesus)? With her mom? With her dad? With a family member/kinship person who has yet to pop onto the scene? Yet, God has once again surprised my heart…by filling it with gratitude and joy over this very situation.
It all came to a head today. Our CPS worker came for her monthly visit. We have been waiting for four months to get news on the home study of Darling’s grandparents…her mother’s mom and step-father want to raise her. Now, a home study can be done quite quickly…two weeks or so. Somehow, this particular home study has been delayed…orders lost…resent…lost…resent…and finally…voila…completed.
I never know quite how to conduct myself when it comes to dealing with CPS and the system. This is what I wanted to do and say. Grab the CPS worker’s arm, jump up and down and ask, “So? So? What did you discover??” But I held my composure as she gave me each and every detail of blah, blah, blah. (I think I stopped listening and just nodded while inside I was screaming “No! No! No! Don’t take her. Don’t take her!”) And she go to the end…”so the home study has been denied.”
Just like that. And rather than joy, my heart broke. My heart broke for Darling and for her grandmother who loves her dearly…and has had the misfortune of making too many bad choices to redeem her home in the eyes of the state. Sigh. And that’s when it hit me…the preciousness of this sweet stewardship. I am holding and comforting and loving someone else’s baby. I am holding someone else’s treasure. I am holding someone else’s heart.
What an honor.