We are at T minus five days to adoption and my mind is a whirl. I so want to capture this moment…this feeling of uncertainty and excitement and hope and questions, questions, questions!
No, the adoption is not for certain. We are waiting on some paperwork. My case manager assures me, it is often down to the wire. Here’s the silly part…we need a response for our subsidy application…which we do not qualify for. Yep. The answer is no. We know the answer is no. But we must submit an application in order to adopt Darling. To be fair, Texas laws concerning adoption are continually changing…and at some point, we may qualify for some benefits…and so, we wait.
So question #1 is…will we get to adopt her on Wednesday? We are okay if the answer is no. We realize the timing is not in our hands…and so we wait…palms open!
Question #2 – Will we feel differently once she is legally ours? It seems that the only thing that will change is her legal declaration of family…oh me of little understanding. Can’t wait to discover how this legal issue will affect our hearts and minds. Will we breathe easier?
Question #3 – What next? Do we take a break from fostering? Months ago, Phil and I felt for certain that we would take a few months off…adjust and breathe. But that still, small voice has been whispering to me…filling my heart and mind with the desire to open our arms, schedules, and home to children awaiting us. I mentioned it to Phil last night…and he’s heard the same voice.
Question #4 – When will we be done? Yeah, I always try to slide that one in…”So, Creator of the Universe, can you please submit your five-year-plan for my life to me for my approval…by tomorrow?”
And really, the questions just follow that same line…if we keep our home open:
- How will we prepare Eden? Though we’ve casually explained what we have done with Darling…that we are adopting her….yadda, yadda, yadda…Eden thinks Darling is the way babies come to be part of a family. She does not get that what is happening with Darling is unusual…for many reasons…in fostering, it is rare to have such an “easy” case. The next time, we may have babies coming and going. Hmmm.
And then my questions just get silly:
- How in the world will I manage more?
- How will the girls do with more children?
- How will the girls do with less of me to go around?
- How will the girls do with the uncertainty of fostering wee ones?
- Oh why have I not stayed on top of keeping things simplified and clutter free?
On and on and on. It’s kinda fun. My heart beats quickly…not only with the hope of adoption…but with the hope of more children…and more birth parents…and more stories of God’s healing love.