Whew. I thought writing about the pesky thoughts plaguing my sanity and reason would help me feel calm. Alas, at the end of the last post, and even upon receiving such encouragement (thank you, by the way), I still felt…ick…lacking…grumpy.
And I think this is why. That voice shouting to me was the voice of…the urgent…the little things…the non-essentials…the details that keep me from my true task. My true task is to raise these girls to love God and love others. Bluebonnet pictures do little, if nothing, to promote kindness. Finding the right sport does little, if anything, to promote a gentle spirit (though it does promote FUN!) I could go on…but why? My soul needs to sing, if not shout, about the truth…my true North…Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…keep my eye on you.
I long to sip these moments with my girls…to let the urgent fall away…to know that I am NOT enough…to raise these grubby girls of mine…I am NOT enough on my own. Though the world would shout, “Yes! You are enough!” and in a sense…yes, I am enough to raise them. But I want to raise them in a peaceful home…to live fearlessly and courageously…to be bold and gentle…true to their designs…and I am NOT enough. And I’m okay with that. It reminds me to lean in to my inadequacy…with all of the gifts I have to give my girls…to lean in and use what I have, trusting God to fill in the gaps. Dear Jesus, fill those gaps…and help me delight in my daughters.