A Messy Endeavor

Right now, life is messy…and loud. Oi, the crying and screaming that I endure on a daily basis is nerve. shattering. NERVE. SHATTERING.

Eden is three, and has emotional meltdowns scattered here and there throughout the day. Denver has just hit that point…that point in which she feels she must make a stand…voice her outrage at parental authority. This time is rich with developmental markers. Yea??

And I wonder daily, is this working? This grace thing with the girls? Bearing with them in their ugliness…reaching out with gentle, firm, hands…gentle, steady voice…in the face of a red-faced, writhing beasts?

My natural instinct…my heart’s cry is for order. ORDER in the house, girls! BEHAVE. Just. Behave. Because if you do not behave, I will lose my mind. I do not care what lurks beneath the surface…just behave.

Oi. And then God. Right? Comes in and makes things messy.

Bear with them, Jan.

Be gentle, Jan.

Speak with soft tones, Jan.

Show them, Jan. Show them how to love the unlovable. Show them how to give a soft answer in the face of a raging person. Show them how to kindly, lovingly, set boundaries…and hold them…no matter the push back (AND BOY, THOSE GIRLS CAN PUSH BACK).

Show them.

And so I do, in utter hope this whole grace thing works. They will learn love. They will live love. They will become love.

And daily…I will pursue…this messy endeavor.

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